Lindsay Lohan May Open Drunk Driving School

In the wake of being arrested for DUI on a second occasion, Lindsay Lohan has reportedly announced, “I think that two arrests qualify me as an expert. So I may use my experience and open a drunk driving school.”

“What will you teach?” a reporter asked.

“Oh, really important skills, like how to drive when you feel really drunk and can’t quite seem to keep the car in the center of the road, what to do if you head the wrong way down a one-way street without knowing it, and how to react if you accidentally run over somebody. Things like that, which ordinary driving schools just leave out.”

“But what about getting people to stop drinking and driving?”

“Yes, we’ll have a course on that and it should prove really interesting, since I can’t figure out how to do it myself. Obviously, I don’t have any idea how to teach people how to avoid getting arrested. So that part of the course should elicit a lot of give a take. My really important goal is to help people get home safe, or at least without getting arrested. I’m kind of vague about those things myself, too, but I’m always willing to give a good idea a shot.”

Lohan’s legal counsel is rumored to be looking into applying for a license for the institution, but the lawyers face a multitude of difficulties, such as the inconvenient fact that the state of California has yet to establish a licensing agency for the category.